It comes naturally
So this title probably makes you question whether I got twins naturally or had them in vitro or something. Just for the record, they showed up all on their own and was a complete and utter surprise to me. And everyone else. I’ll write about it later. What this title really refers to is knowing how to be a mother.
So I don’t feel that I am naturally maternal. I wrote about the installation of new instincts, but that doesn’t really cover it. I’m not a kinkajoo in the wild. Maybe a honey badger, but that’s sort of 2011.
When my kids were infants I was mostly caught up in the rush to keep them alive efficiently. I didn’t have a lot of those melty urges to cuddle them up. Sometimes they were funny or v. cute, but they were also these little creatures that functioned below the level of the cats.
My friends, several of whom had already had kids, were on the other side of the maternal scale. I used to receive emails thanking God for their children and how great it was to dedicate their life to their child’s growth. When I wrote back and tried to be funny… well.. I think they got a little freaked out. Could it have been the tone of needy desperation that drifted through my words when I looked for moral support and commiseration…? Nahh… Probably didn’t like the larva comparison.
I started looking for support elsewhere. At my lowest point I started reading news articles where parents did… well.. very bad things. Just so I could say, “There’s someone worse than me!” Next I found forums (tucked neatly out of plain sight) where people I could relate to voiced some of my feelings. Confusion over what you’re supposed to do. Desire to wander out and go shopping. Waiting all day for naptime/bedtime. Next I tried looking at parenting humor books but most of them did not ring a bell. Finally, I followed some links until I found.. surprise! Snarky Mom Blogs! It was a revelation. People wrote evilly about being a bad/good parent! Ha! So suddenly I found people I could relate to besides the gently humorous ones in the first forum. People will that evil edge to their voice. It wasn’t just me!
Actually, a childcare professional I spoke to said she worked with a lot of families (like mine, she implied). People who had kids and didn’t really know what to do with them. So it’s not that abnormal to look at your child and wonder what this creature is doing here.
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Most amusing parenting humor books:
The World According to Toddlers by Shannon Seip and Adrienne Hedger – gentle humor in a mixed format (easy to absorb in short periods) that really relates to most of the toddler experience. Cheers you up. Makes you laugh.
Go the F**k to Sleep by Adam Mansbach and read by Samuel L. Jackson – the audiobook version makes it so utterly cool. Reading it as a book is fine, but hearing Samuel L. Jackson read it to you… awesome.
Snarky blogs:
Scary Mommy – blunt, get your hands dirty, but not really mean mom blog, although the Confessional board IS scary. Full of “at least I don’t do that” moments.
Rants from Mommyland – the favorite rants section is pretty funny. One quote from the site calls it “a wildly popular sanctuary for all moms who are about to lose their damn minds”
The Imperfect Parent – I used to like this site, but there seems to have been a redesign or something. I’m not even sure how the Imperfect Parent part figures into the site’s theme now. If I can’t identify with your rants then I am not your target audience any more.
Pregnant Chicken – Nicer site but still funny. I just got a weird jolt seeing that their most recent post is exactly like a listmania list I posted in March. Guess other Moms have the same reactions, eh?