Why Kids Get On Your Nerves

Before you have kids you probably thought you’d be pretty good with them.

There’s a high probability you were fooling yourself.

As far as I can tell, there’s a certain temperament that shows in a person who truly cares for and can work with kids.  It shows itself in a willingness to talk to kids about their interests without eyes rolling back in heads with boredom.  It’s in a special voice that is calm and even and never slips into sarcasm.  It is also coupled with a strong enough Will to have kids know what is being said is actually meant.  (And remember, if all these traits are coupled with a  insane light in their eyes, like Norman Bates dressed like his mother, this is actually one of those nightmare teachers who’ll send your kids to therapy in about 10 years.)

Now maybe you can see yourself doing all this (not the Bates thing, although that sounds like a rewarding career choice).  But unless you have actually done this in an extended period you are probably not going to meet this standard.  You will slip into sarcasm.  You will yell.  You will want a drink.  You will start reading magazines in the toilet in an effort to escape.

Why?  Because.  Kids have no preinstalled social skills.  Besides the small effect Mother Nature gave them of cuteness there’s not a lot there that makes them easy to live with.  They are hardly ever aware of how tired or irritated or close to the edge you are.  Babies are never aware, and kids develop this awareness excruciatingly slowly.   Kids have no sense of space.  They are yelling in your face and stepping on your genitals and bracing their elbow on your boob and walking up the stairs behind you sticking their face against your ass.  Kids have no sense of preservation.  You have to be hyper aware for them because they are gleefully not looking in any direction that would make sense.  This is exhausting.  After a while, they don’t listen to you.  They’ve got your measure and know that you’re not really going to do anything really bad, no matter what you said.    You won’t really throw away their pink unicorn or make them starve during dinner time (probably).    Finally, even as they slowwwwwly learn to be considerate of others this never really applies to Mommy or Daddy.  No way!  It’s always funny to mess with Mommy and Daddy!